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Booze and Other Nonsense

~ Musings of a psychopathic alcoholic, raconteurs, film buff, and more!

Booze and Other Nonsense

Tag Archives: Reader Mail

Beer Review #80: Elevator Brewing Co. Bleeding Buckeye Red Ale

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Reader Mail

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Beer Review, Bleeding, Buckeye, build me up buttercup, candidates, Elevator, Nuggets, President, Reader Mail, Red Ale, Sauce, Trump

March Reader Mail

So it’s election season, what do you think about the candidates? – Jeff from Columbus

What can I say about these candidates that hasn’t already been said in the YouTube comments of a clip from a monster truck rally? I guess I’ll give it a go.

Bernie Sanders – I’m like 60% certain he was created when Seth Rogen stepped into a teleportation machine while holding all of George Orwell’s books and a copy of Spaceballs.

Hillary Clinton – She seems like the person on the police squad that’s one day away from retirement and is just tired of this bullshit. She just wants one day of peace.

Ted Cruz – I’m fairly certain Dracula wasn’t born in the United States. I want to see his birth certificate.

Marco Rubio – Remember that kid in your circle of friends that didn’t understand when you were making fun of him? Then, at some point, he sort of catches on and tries to find some sweet jokes on the internet, but everyone knows what he’s doing and he just gets more frustrated. That kid.

John Kasich – He’s the neighbors dog looking at you through the window while you’re having a good time with your own pets. Also, he has some weird shit going on with North Korea.

Donald Trump – A really charismatic jack-o-lantern that learned how to turn our nation’s underlying racism and xenophobia into votes. He’s what happens when you build a platform based on dog-whistle politics and the dog finally decides to show up.

Read anything good lately? – Gina from Grand Rapids

You ever read the back of a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Way more anti-Semitic than you’d expect.

This website sucks – Anonymous

I am well aware.

Who do you think will be the first big celebrity death of 2016? – Mike from NYC

I really gotta start answering these e-mails in a more timely fashion.

Which Chicken McNugget dipping sauce from McDonald’s is best? – Kent from Indianapolis

I don’t even know what all the sauce options are. Why don’t they have that displayed somewhere? You order nuggets and they ask what sauce you want as if this is just a thing everyone is prepared to answer without more information. What are they hiding back there that we don’t know about?

I usually go for a honey mustard, but I’ll mix in the spicy buffalo sauce on a good day. This was a good question and I’m gonna give it the full attention it deserves next time I’m at Mickey Ds. I’ll request one of each sauce and have a tasting. Keep on the lookout for that in the future.

Remmeber, if you want your questions answered you should get with us on Twitter and Facebook. Like and follow or I might die! You can also e-mail, but it’ll probably go to spam because I just assume any person doing that is trying to steal my identity or tomato sauce recipe.


Bleeding Buckeye Red Ale

Bleeding Buckeye Red Ale

Appearance: I hate starting reviews like this, but this is just beautiful. From the striking color reminiscent of polished mahogany, the cloudiness that just barely lets you see thousands of energized bubbles, all leading up to a remarkably creamy head that just explodes as you pour this thing.

It’s all so good, but I feel like the head deserves special recognition. It’s almost like whipped cream in consistency. It has a nutty color that compliments the rich color of the beer. This looks like something you’d see in a TV commercial. I hope this ends well because I’ve really hyped this up for myself.

Smell: Strong malt up front, followed by butterscotch, toasted bread, and some hops.

Taste: It’s very slick and light-bodied. You can pick up the bubbles, but not as much as I would have thought.

Lots of caramel notes and lots of sweetness from the toasted malt, but the hops cut through in a great way to keep things interesting. The bitterness and grassy flavor from the hops really helps to offset what could be overbearing sweetness.

It finishes with those bitter hops and really sticks to the tongue. It’s like it’s setting you up for the rush of sweetness from your next sip.

Overall: This was fun. I’m not usually big on red ale, but I’ll be buying this again. Pulling that sweet liquid through the creamy head was a delight. It wasn’t overly complex and it’s not gonna set any records, but it’s a gorgeous beer that would be great for a session under the sun with a few good friends. 89/100.

Up Next: No clue!

Beer Review #79: Hamm’s

04 Friday Dec 2015

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Reader Mail

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Beer Review, Die Hard, gamergate, hamm's, ninja turtles, Reader Mail

December Reader Mail

Dude, are you okay? – Glenn, from Spokane

No.

Who would win in a fight between a kraken and every main villain from the Die Hard film series? – Anonymous

Well there’s several issues with this question that make it impossible to answer.

First, where is this fight taking place? On dry land the kraken is toast, but in the depths of the sea I imagine Hans Gruber would be crushed by the pressure of the ocean.

Second, I’ve never seen the fifth Die Hard movie so for all I know that guy specialized in hunting down creatures from the deep sea or maybe he’s part narwhal. I’ve also never met a kraken, but I think I get the gist of their capabilities.

All things considered, I’m giving this one to the kraken, assuming that he isn’t forced to wear a racist sandwich board in the middle of Harlem.

What do you think the ninja turtles’ stance on ethics in video games journalism would be? – Troy from Dublin

Raphael: Doesn’t care, but will jump on any opportunity to send anonymous death threats to women on Twitter.

Donatello: Too fucking smart to care.

Leonardo: Very much against the actions of the movement.

Michelangelo: Busy actually enjoying video games.

What’s your dream job? What do you want to accomplish? – Mom from [redacted]

That’s two questions. You’re only allowed to ask one question.

I’ll answer the second one: To one day beat Jackie Robinson’s record of being the first Black man to play Major League Baseball.


 

Send in your own questions over Twitter, Facebook, or e-mail. Or don’t. I really don’t care. Here’s the review.

I'm not sure where this picture was taken!

I’m not sure where this picture was taken!

Appearance: Super clear with almost zero carbonation. The head puffs up nicely and lasts longer than you’d think before it settles into a reasonably thick white ring. A very pale color like that of straw after a few days of drying.

Smell: Well it’s great that I brought up straw earlier ’cause this smells like hay that wasn’t given enough time to dry before it was loaded up into the loft; musty, grainy, stale.

Taste: I’m willing to concede that this beer has a pleasant mouthfeel, but that’s it. It’s got a nice medium-body and feels a little slippery. The actual taste is muted, but one can get a bit of grain with a malty finish. It still has a bit of that smell in it which isn’t very pleasant.

Overall: 49 out of 100 and that feels too generous. I’d take PBR or High Life instead.

Up Next: There’s a bunch already written, but I’m lazy so who knows?

Beer Review #77: Southern Tier Brewing Company Crème Brûlée

29 Friday May 2015

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Reader Mail

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Beer Review, Creme Brulee, Diarrhea, Jennifer Hudson, Reader Mail, Southern Tier, The N Word

May Reader Mail

What did you think about Mayweather/Pacquiao? – John from Atlanta

I was pretty drunk for most of it, but I distinctly remember watching it from my local dive and some homeless man shitting himself on a bar stool after drinking about 10 cups of the complimentary coffee they put out. I enjoyed that more than the fight.

Who’s your dream girl? – Liz

Way to objectify half of the world’s population. How dare you assume that I’m into women? It’s 2015 and this is a very progressive website.

Also, it’s Emma Roberts or Lizzy Caplan. I want to own them as property.

Summer’s coming up soon. Any tips to make this one to remember? – Kathleen from Columbus, OH

Don’t leave your drink unattended.

This website used to be funny. – Mike from Peoria

No it didn’t. I don’t know what would lead you to believe that. This is a legitimate place for serious business.

You seem like the kind of person that’s had some issues with alcohol. It’s getting pretty bad for me and I was wondering if you had any tips on battling addiction or at least managing it. – Anonymous

I’ve yet to encounter a problem that couldn’t be solved by drinking more.


Well that was that. Send in your own e-mail questions and please try to keep the racial slurs down to a minimum. Not because we’re offended, but just putting a question mark after the N-word is a very confusing question. Like, do you want to know if I’m Black or are you offering one for trade? Use your words.

Don’t forget to hit us up on Facebook and Twitter too. You can see the low-quality material that gets posted there on the sidebar here, but why risk missing anything? On to the show!

Southern Tier Creme Brulee

Southern Tier Creme Brulee

Appearance: Impregnable darkness. A wispy thin head that reminds me of a marshmallow after just 5 seconds over a campfire. It laces quite nicely too. Very little carbonation.

Smell: You get pretty much what you’d expect with something named after a French dessert. An almost cloying saccharine aroma hits you as soon as the bottle opens. There’s also a fair bit of vanilla, dark chocolate, and caramel.

Taste: A very thin body, but it still has a pleasing mouthfeel that manages to encourage me to go back for more. The strong sweet flavors are more tempered than I had expected, but it still feels like a bit much. Toasted nuts, toffee, and maybe something reminiscent of sweetened condensed milk.

The taste hits you pretty quickly and doesn’t leave you with much. There’s just a slight lingering sweetness.

Overall: This was not a bad beer and it delivered on it’s promise so I have to review it with that in mind. It wouldn’t be fair to review this like a normal stout because that’s not what they were going for. That being said, I had some issues with the strong sugar smell and the flavor profile. 76/100

Up Next: Something Bad!

Beer Review #76: Flying Dog Pale Ale

30 Thursday Apr 2015

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Accidental Deaths, Ale, Flying Dog, Funk, mail, Pale Ale, Pumpin', Reader Mail

APRIL READER MAIL

What should I drink while I clean around the house? – Meg from Circleville

Cleaning products.

My dog has been having a lot of nightmares. This has been tearing my family apart. The kids are crying, my wife is packing a bag, and I’m just looking at our bank statements and I can’t get these numbers to work. Please help. – Josh from Agoura Hills

I got this e-mail like seven months ago. Let’s just assume this guy is dead and move on.

Better song: Do A Little Dance -or- Play That Funky Music? – George from Chicago

That’s a good question. In fact, it may be the first good question ever asked. I have to go with Play That Funky Music because everyone goes crazy during that chorus.

Penis pumps? – Laura from Canal Winchester

Yes.

Well that was as awful as it usually is. Share the Facebook and Twitter pages with your friends. Let’s boost this signal. Send e-mail questions too or next month is just answers to beer recommendations. I hate beer. Here’s a beer review.

Flying Dog Pale Ale

Flying Dog Pale Ale

Appearance: I’m seriously considering forcing my girlfriend to go through the teleporter from “The Fly” while holding a glass of this so that I can have daily relations with this. In hindsight though, my girlfriend won’t let me near her so that may not be the best description.

It’s got the golden hue of unfiltered honey, very low carbonation, a dreamy haziness, and a sticky off-white head that leaves it’s mark once you’ve finished off your glass.

Smell: It’s bright and fresh. Big hops up front, unharvested grain, and tropical fruit

Taste: Not as exciting as I’d hoped. It’s got a watery feel and not much of any taste aside from hops, but even that taste isn’t very pronounced. There’s really no finesse here. It’s not bad, but I expected a lot more punch from a pale ale.

Overall: This one fooled me and now I’m mad. 68/100. I’ll concede that the graphic design on the bottle is awesome and this was fun to look at, but taste is where my bread is buttered.

Don’t forget to “like” and “share” with your friends. This review, not this beer.

Up Next: Dessert

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