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Booze and Other Nonsense

~ Musings of a psychopathic alcoholic, raconteurs, film buff, and more!

Booze and Other Nonsense

Tag Archives: President

Soda Shaq Review #1: Strawberry Cream Soda

22 Sunday May 2016

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Humor, Reader Mail

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

9/11, cream, equality, mail, President, shaq, soda, strawberry, t-shirt, teeth

May Reader Mail

This election sure has been something, hasn’t it? – Phil from Riverside

No. Who talks like this? I’m not some person you ran into in the break room and now you need to think of some small talk or else you start breathing and blinking manually. Don’t do this. You’re better than this Phil. I believe in you. Phil 2016!

Any idea who you’re voting for? – Melissa from Akron

Do you not keep up with the website? I just said Phil 2016.

I’m having trouble losing weight and Summer is almost here. I don’t want to do that thing where I wear a T-shirt in the pool. Any advice? – Jamie from Memphis

Okay, well this could go several ways. If you’re a dude, you should probably just own it. I don’t think anyone cares anymore. Otherwise, I advise bulimia.

If you’re a woman, my advice is exactly the same because I believe that we’re all equal.

How much do you make from this website? – Anonymous

About -$30 a year. The whole plan was to trick beer fests into giving me press passes, but that hasn’t panned out. Time to fill this thing with ads and to start selling cheaply made merchandise.

I recently started flossing a lot more often. At first there was a lot of blood, but after a few months everything usually comes out pretty clear. My mouth feels cleaner and it’s not that much extra work everyday. How do I make women feel safe around me? – Brad from Columbus

Stop talking about your teeth you god damn serial killer. If you’re really that desperate to lure a woman into your murder dungeon just put an ad on craigslist for free furniture of something. They’ll come and then you can take their teeth or whatever it is you do. Keep us updated.

If you have questions just find us on Twitter and Facebook. Like and follow and find true loves kiss! You can also e-mail, but make sure you mention something about increasing the size of my erection in the subject line. Otherwise it might go to spam.


DSCN0405

The hills are alive with the sound of backboards being shattered.

Appearance: Boxed white zinfandel that’s been allowed to slowly congeal over time. Like if you cut off a troll’s head and collected its blood in a vial in order to complete a quest.

Smell: The medicine you hated most as a child. It makes me think about all the bad things that have ever happened.

Taste: Upon first sip I suddenly remembered where I was on 9/11. Not 2001, though. 2010 was way worse for me on a personal level. It’s when I learned about the other 9/11.

This just tastes like cotton candy and shortcake. On the mouth it feels like when you know the dentist is done with the procedure, but it taking their time before they let you rinse your mouth out.

Overall: Why does this product exist? I am, however, slowly becoming addicted. I think this is what it feels like to get into heroin. I get that now. 1/100.

Up Next: Heroin!

Beer Review #80: Elevator Brewing Co. Bleeding Buckeye Red Ale

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Reader Mail

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Beer Review, Bleeding, Buckeye, build me up buttercup, candidates, Elevator, Nuggets, President, Reader Mail, Red Ale, Sauce, Trump

March Reader Mail

So it’s election season, what do you think about the candidates? – Jeff from Columbus

What can I say about these candidates that hasn’t already been said in the YouTube comments of a clip from a monster truck rally? I guess I’ll give it a go.

Bernie Sanders – I’m like 60% certain he was created when Seth Rogen stepped into a teleportation machine while holding all of George Orwell’s books and a copy of Spaceballs.

Hillary Clinton – She seems like the person on the police squad that’s one day away from retirement and is just tired of this bullshit. She just wants one day of peace.

Ted Cruz – I’m fairly certain Dracula wasn’t born in the United States. I want to see his birth certificate.

Marco Rubio – Remember that kid in your circle of friends that didn’t understand when you were making fun of him? Then, at some point, he sort of catches on and tries to find some sweet jokes on the internet, but everyone knows what he’s doing and he just gets more frustrated. That kid.

John Kasich – He’s the neighbors dog looking at you through the window while you’re having a good time with your own pets. Also, he has some weird shit going on with North Korea.

Donald Trump – A really charismatic jack-o-lantern that learned how to turn our nation’s underlying racism and xenophobia into votes. He’s what happens when you build a platform based on dog-whistle politics and the dog finally decides to show up.

Read anything good lately? – Gina from Grand Rapids

You ever read the back of a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Way more anti-Semitic than you’d expect.

This website sucks – Anonymous

I am well aware.

Who do you think will be the first big celebrity death of 2016? – Mike from NYC

I really gotta start answering these e-mails in a more timely fashion.

Which Chicken McNugget dipping sauce from McDonald’s is best? – Kent from Indianapolis

I don’t even know what all the sauce options are. Why don’t they have that displayed somewhere? You order nuggets and they ask what sauce you want as if this is just a thing everyone is prepared to answer without more information. What are they hiding back there that we don’t know about?

I usually go for a honey mustard, but I’ll mix in the spicy buffalo sauce on a good day. This was a good question and I’m gonna give it the full attention it deserves next time I’m at Mickey Ds. I’ll request one of each sauce and have a tasting. Keep on the lookout for that in the future.

Remmeber, if you want your questions answered you should get with us on Twitter and Facebook. Like and follow or I might die! You can also e-mail, but it’ll probably go to spam because I just assume any person doing that is trying to steal my identity or tomato sauce recipe.


Bleeding Buckeye Red Ale

Bleeding Buckeye Red Ale

Appearance: I hate starting reviews like this, but this is just beautiful. From the striking color reminiscent of polished mahogany, the cloudiness that just barely lets you see thousands of energized bubbles, all leading up to a remarkably creamy head that just explodes as you pour this thing.

It’s all so good, but I feel like the head deserves special recognition. It’s almost like whipped cream in consistency. It has a nutty color that compliments the rich color of the beer. This looks like something you’d see in a TV commercial. I hope this ends well because I’ve really hyped this up for myself.

Smell: Strong malt up front, followed by butterscotch, toasted bread, and some hops.

Taste: It’s very slick and light-bodied. You can pick up the bubbles, but not as much as I would have thought.

Lots of caramel notes and lots of sweetness from the toasted malt, but the hops cut through in a great way to keep things interesting. The bitterness and grassy flavor from the hops really helps to offset what could be overbearing sweetness.

It finishes with those bitter hops and really sticks to the tongue. It’s like it’s setting you up for the rush of sweetness from your next sip.

Overall: This was fun. I’m not usually big on red ale, but I’ll be buying this again. Pulling that sweet liquid through the creamy head was a delight. It wasn’t overly complex and it’s not gonna set any records, but it’s a gorgeous beer that would be great for a session under the sun with a few good friends. 89/100.

Up Next: No clue!

Trolling Craigslist #5: Terrible Fantasies and an Unofficial Presidential Poll

18 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by Vodka Barf in Trolling Craigslist

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Election, Poll, President, Trolling Craigslist

We have a Facebook page now. Like us won’t you? https://www.facebook.com/BoozeAndOtherNonsense

For this posting I wanted to see if I could get the degenerates to be a little more creative so I gave them a blank canvas to work with. I received over 150 responses  but most were fairly tame. These are the ones that made me chuckle. This may be my favorite outing yet.

Also, I asked the respondents to place their candidate of choice for the upcoming presidential election in the title or their e-mail. The results: Of those that actually followed the instruction, 89 picked President Obama, 15 picked Mitt Romney, 7 were undecided, 2 picked Gary Johnson, 2 picked Bill Clinton, 1 guy picked John Kerry, and one man was writing in his own name. I guess Democrats are previer than Republicans. I would have assumed the opposite. (Though the Romney e-mails were the creepiest.)

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