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Booze and Other Nonsense

~ Musings of a psychopathic alcoholic, raconteurs, film buff, and more!

Booze and Other Nonsense

Tag Archives: Lists

2021 Year End Lists!

29 Wednesday Dec 2021

Posted by Vodka Barf in Lists

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

2021, Lists

Well that year started awful, became tolerable, and now we are in the middle of another surge. We could all be surrounded by friends and loved ones, enjoying some ice-cold Surge from the 90’s, but people won’t take a free vaccine and my mom probably still won’t let me drink that particular soda.

Fingers crossed that 2022 isn’t like the sequel to ‘Look Who’s Talking’ and we get a 2020 too. I also hope it doesn’t prominently feature Roseanne Barr, but I’ll take what I get.

Here are the lists. These are, as always, objectively true and immutable.

Soups

5 – Mushroom Leek
4 – French Onion
3 – Corn Chowder
2 – Caldo Verde
1 – Lobster Bisque

Meat

5 – Shrimp
4 – Kielbasa
3 – Chicken Wings
2 – Carnitas
1 – Prime Rib

Egg Preparations

5 – Over Easy
4 – Soft-Boiled
3 – Deviled
2 – Poached
1 – Basted

TV Shows

5 – What We Do in the Shadows
4 – Curb Your Enthusiasm
3 – Taskmaster
2 – Succession
1 – How To with John Wilson

Worst Things

5 – The Delta Variant
4 – The School Up North
3 – The Omicron Variant
2 – Anti-Vaxxers
1 – The Insurrection at the Capitol Building

Condiments

5 – Honey
4 – Sour Cream
3 – Pickled Onion
2 – Sriracha
1 – Dijon Mustard

Best Things

5 – Gin
4 – Live Music
3 – COVID Vaccines
2 – Dick’s Den
1 – Friendship

Mega Man X Maverick Hunters by Level Song

5 – Chill Penguin
4 – Spark Mandrill
3 – Storm Eagle
2 – Boomer Kuwanger
1 – Armored Armadillo

Cats

5 – Tuna
4 – Rosie
3 – Larry
2 – Olly
1 – Cappuccino

Fruit

5 – Pineapple
4 – Lime
3 – Honeycrisp Apple
2 – Peach
1 – Strawberry

Things I Hate about 90’s Nickelodeon Game Show ‘Legends of the Hidden Temple’

5 – Kids failing to understand The Shrine of the Silver Monkey
4 – It’s just three fucking pieces! C’mon!
3 – Why would you not put the base on first?
2 – Hurry THE FUCK up!
1 – IT’S THREE FUCKING PIECES, KID!!!!! Do you even want a pair of sketchers and a SEGA Genesis?

Here’s a cloud formation that looks like Guy Fieri as a reward for reading this and to honor what he’s done for restaurant workers, bowling shirts, this, and frosted tips.

Sky Fieri

Beer Review #83: Leinenkugel Summer Shandy

10 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Story Time

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Beer Review, Burrito, Carnitas, Chipotle, Chiptopia, Chorizo, Enemies, eternal pain, god, Leinenkugel, Lists, Nietzsche, Shandy

Adventures in Monotonous Dining!

On July 1st, 2016 fast-food restaurant Chipotle began its Summer rewards program “Chiptopia.” This promotion allows customers to earn free food and potentially even get over $200 in free catering.

I’ve never cared for Chipotle. I do crave free things though so I jumped on it. I’ve been thirteen times since the promotion began. Here I will detail my experience with each trip.

Meal #1: I went on July 1st and the place was packed. Fortunately they were moving people through the line pretty quickly. I got a carnitas bowl. It was shockingly good.

Recipts

Someone. Please. Help.

Meal #2: This was probably only a couple days later. I ordered the same thing because the steak and chicken looked dry and the barbacoa was an extra dollar and I’m cheap. I noticed that most of the people visiting this restaurant are not capable of placing an order in an orderly fashion. I begin to wonder if that’s where the word “orderly: comes from.

Meal #3: Same order: White rice, pinto beans, fajita veggies, carnitas, pico de gallo, salsa verde, corn salsa, sour cream, cheese, lettuce.

I get stuck behind an old woman that has two orders. She can’t remember what belongs to which entree. She doesn’t know what a burrito is. She doesn’t know what guacamole is. She has caused the line to go almost out the door. She is the one person in the world I truly despise.

Meal #4: Same meal. The restaurant was disturbingly empty. I think the woman making my bowl gave me extra meat so I give her a smile and nod in a way that says “thanks.” It may have come off more like “You have something I crave.” I stop smiling that day.

Meal #5: My first free meal. I decide to get the barbacoa. Eating something new was such a relief. The barbacoa tastes mostly like pot roast though; it wasn’t seasoned very aggressively.

A child keeps running around the store while his mother tries to order for him. He will not pay attention as his mother asks what he wants. I add him to my enemies list.

Meal #6: Back to the Carnitas bowl. I think the employees are starting to recognize me. I’ve picked up on the most efficient ways to order. It seems like that’s appreciated.

Meal #7: At this point I pretty much hate the food at Chipotle, but I can get two meals out of seven dollars so I keep going. I decide to mix things up and get steak. I now regret doing that.

When I got this bowl, the man in line in front of me ordered a quesadilla. I didn’t even see quesadillas on the menu. They can’t use that tortilla warming device for anyone else while this is happening. I add him to my enemies list.

Meal #8: AAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Meal #9: My second free entree. I learned that the free entree can effectively be anything so I go for double barbacoa and guac on top of my regular bowl ingredients. It is far too much food, but for the first time in a long time I feel a sense of accomplishment. This bowl would have cost twice as much as my usual order.

Someone in line behind me was asked if they wanted black or pinto beans. They asked which beans were the black beans. I put them on the list.

Napkins

At least I never have to buy napkins ever again.

Meal #10: I discover that I could have been getting chorizo this whole time. All is right with the world.

Meal #11: My last meal of July.

I think it was Nietzsche that said “He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster.” Chipotle has taken away most of my humanity. I go through the line like a robot and order a chorizo bowl.

This chorizo might bring me back. God bless you chorizo. Wait, maybe the chorizo is god? I must consume it so that I might become god.

Meal #12: It’s now August. I have another free entree so I go back to the double barbacoa and guac bowl; tortilla on the side. I’ve been making my own burrito with the side tortilla and then eating the rest of the bowl later. I’m pretty much on a Chipotle diet at this point because I typically eat once a day so that bowl is tomorrows dinner.

I held the door open for a family of five. I did this against my better judgement. Fortunately the mother didn’t give her three kids any choice in what they were getting. I wanted to kiss her. She knew my struggle.

Meal #13: Yesterday I got another chorizo bowl. The woman making my burrito was incredibly upbeat. The chorizo has given me it’s power and now I am in complete control of this restaurant. That is the only explanation for this turnaround. I can feel it’s power filling my heart.

I will use this power for good. That means demanding answers from all of the horrible people on my list. They must answer for disrespecting a god.

Remember to like and share everything you see so that I don’t use my new sausage powers on your mom. Like the Facebook page and follow us on twitter. There’s e-mail too, but I honestly just don’t care to link it today. Literally anything will get through as long as you add @boozeandothernonsense.com to it. Here’s the beer review.


Leinenkugel Summer Shandy

I drank this in an enchanted forest for peak flavor.

Appearance: Very cloudy with a golden color and decently thick, white head. Fairly bubbly and the head dies down fairly quickly.

Smell: Lemons. Pretty much nothing but sweetness and lemons. It is overpowering.

Taste: It feels shockingly nice on the tongue. The body is on the line between medium and thin and it’s fairly crisp. This all lends for a nice effect on a hot, sunny day.

The actual taste, however, is far too sweet to even begin to try to find any other flavor. It’s just lemons and far too much sugar. It almost hurts my teeth.

Overall: There’s really not a lot going on here, but I can understand why someone would drink a few of these out of a bucket of ice on a nice day. If you have a tolerance for sweet things this would be a dream. I can only give it a 55/100. It should actually be much lower, but the mouthfeel was nice and it didn’t look terrible.

Up Next: Something cheap from the gas station.

Beer Review #82: Miller High Life

03 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Lists

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

AIDS, Bugs, Chipotle, High Life, Kazaam, Lists, mail, Miller, Spiders, Trump

August Reader Mail

What do you think of Donald Trump? – Steve from D.C.

He’s a demagogue that’s giving a voice to bigots. He want’s to pull out of our strategic alliances and use our nuclear arsenal as a first strike option; undoing several decades worth of work that’s kept the world more safe. He lacks any real substance or experience so he makes up for it by acting like a clown and attacking his opponents with personal insults. He can barely run his campaign and he’d have more money today if he’d just invested all that money his dad gave him into an unmanaged index fund.

All that being said, he’s provided me hours upon hours of entertainment so what’s not to like? Sure, I’m interacting with way more openly racist people than I was a year ago, but that’s a small price to pay for this orange carnival barker’s three ring circus.

What the hell is going on with these reviews? Did you just buy a bunch of shitty beer at a gas station? Are you going to review anything good? – Dave from Mississippi

I’ll answer all three questions in order: I’m punishing myself, yes, I hope so.

It’s been a long time since we’ve had some good lists. Got any in you? – Anonymous

We’re well into Anal August so let’s do the 2016 Summer Lists:

Presidential Candidates Spouses by Hotness

5- Bill Clinton
4- Kelley Paul
3- Karen Kasich
2- Jeanette Rubio
1- Melania Trump

Bugs

5- Butterfly
4- Spider
3- Mantis
2- Bee
1- Firefly

Non-Chicken Eggs

5- Spider
4- Human
3- Goose
2- Sturgeon
1- Duck

Chipotle Proteins

5- Steak
4- Chicken
3- Sofritas
2- Barbacoa
1- Carnitas

Things To Yell Right Before Orgasm

5- “Bazinga!”
4- “Team Rocket’s Blasting Off Again!”
3- “Who’s Your Grandpa?!”
2- “I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK AT MY FACE!”
1- “Feel the Bern!”

People ask you for dating advice all the time, how’s your love life going? – [REDACTED] from [REDACTED]

Mom, you’ve already got a couple grand kids. If this is tied into how your will pays out then I might go hose some women down, but until then I’m using my horrible personality and awful face as my primary form of birth control.

If you’re actually just interested, I’ve had one decently long relationship this year. She and I had a lot in common: fear of someone driving a steamroller over you and your skeleton popping out of your mouth, gin, that feeling you get when you look to the west, children experiencing disappointment publicly, bawdy limericks, and seeing her naked.

It all ended the same way it began: The 1996 Shaquille O’Neal film ‘Kazaam’.


Well that was as awful as usual. Remember to add us on Facebook and Twitter if you want to bother someone. I promise to not insult you if you’re the right race.

Yep, that's it alright.

Yep, that’s it alright.

Appearance: Energetic and crystal clear. A decent white head builds up, but only leaves a thin floating island of foam floating in the top of my glass. It’s has the unnatural almost neon yellow color of most American light beer. Fairly large bubbles fill up the sides of the glass.

Smell: A poorly insulated attic a day after light rain. Burnt hair.

Taste: A pretty decent medium-bodied beer with a fair bit of astringency. The flavor is flat and one-note: just charred malt. There’s absolutely nothing else.

Overall: This was significantly worse than I assumed it would be. At least the other terrible light beers had a bit of flavor and didn’t smell so bad. This looked fine enough, but I like a girl with personality. 31/100.

Up Next: Something bad!

2012 Year End List Spectacular!

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by Vodka Barf in Lists

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ads, Ducktales, egg, hottest, Lists

Here is a list of things that I’ve listed. Enjoy. If you disagree with any you are wrong.

Egg Preparations
5. Shirred
4. Soft-Boiled
3. Basted
2. Poached
1. Over Easy

Worst Political Ads
5. Todd Akin – “Forgiveness”
4. Mitt Romney – “Cherished Relationship”
3. Priorities USA – “Understands”
2. Thomas Peterffy – “Freedom To Succeed” 
1. Rick Perry – “Strong” 

Birds
5. Crow
4. Red Hawk
3. Peregrine Falcon
2. Cardinal
1. Bald Eagle

TV of 2012
5. The League
4. Justified
3. Bob’s Burgers
2. Homeland
1. Breaking Bad

Worst Songs To Bang To
5. “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” – Meatloaf
4. “One” – Metallica
3. “We are the World” – USA for Africa
2. “Only Women Bleed” – Alice Cooper
1. “Cat’s in the Cradle” – Harry Chapin

Ladies of 2012
5. Sofia Vergara
4. Miranda Kerr
3. Mila Kunis
2. Alessandra Ambrosio
1. Marisa Miller

Personal Moments of 2012
5. Reason Rally
4. Getting a Roommate/New Friends
3. Business Cards/This Website
2. Earning a Mug at Bernie’s
1. The Ohio State – Michigan Game and Perfect Football Season

Science Fiction Novels
5. Neuromancer
4. Slaughterhouse 5
3. The Forever War
2. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
1. Ender’s Game

DuckTales Characters
5. Gladstone Gander
4. Flintheart Glomgold
3. The Beagle Boys
2. Scrooge McDuck
1. Fenton Crackshell

Some Old Lists

03 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by Vodka Barf in Lists

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Beef, Drinking, Entertainment, Lists

I like to list things. Here are some old lists. Lists.

–Best Places to Drink–
5- Karaoke Bar
4- At a Poker Table
3- Swimming Pool
2- Public Park
1- Sporting Event

–Best Types of Whiskey–
5- Scotch (Blended)
4- Irish
3- Rye
2- Scotch (Single-Malt)
1- Bourbon

–Best ’60 Minutes’ Host–
5- Bob Simon
4- Steve Kroft
3- Leslie Stahl
2- Scott Pelley
1- Morley Safer

–Favorite Final Fantasy Games–
5- Five
4- Ten
3- Eight
2- Seven
1- Six

–New Ideas for Drinking Games–
5- Drinky Drinky Hippos
4- “700 Club” Drinking Game
3- Will It Burn?
2- Magic: The Drunkening
1- America’s Next Jim Belushi

–Cuts of Beef–
5- Round
4- Sirloin
3- Rib
2- Tenderloin
1- Short Loin

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