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Booze and Other Nonsense

~ Musings of a psychopathic alcoholic, raconteurs, film buff, and more!

Booze and Other Nonsense

Tag Archives: beer

Beer Review #78: Icehouse

21 Friday Aug 2015

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Reader Mail

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

beer, Breastfeeding, Face/Off, Fingering Kids, Icehouse, mail, Pitches, rap, TV

August Reader Mail

What do you think about women nursing in public? – Donna from Butte

100% support. Not only do we get a display of public nudity, but we get to see all of the reactions of people trying not to stare. I just wish those babies would learn to share.

I’m looking to get into juggling or yo-yo tricks soon, but I’m worried that people will think I’m weird if I spend a lot of time doing those things. Do I just need more self-esteem or is this a bad idea? – Clark from Huntsville

Go to a bar and make friends the normal way.

Why do these kids wear their pants so low? – Mary

I dunno. Rap music? Lack of belts? Barack Obama secretly orchestrated it as a means of further dividing the races in part of his plans to ruin America? Those are all equally plausible.

What can I do to spruce up my online dating profile? Melissa from Beaver Creek

Be attractive.

Why aren’t you posting anything? – Nate from Washington D.C.

I’ve been working on a lot of new TV show pitches. Here are some of my ideas. Feedback is appreciated:

Fingering Kids: Profiles of Candy Thieves – A show about catching kids that steal candy at the check out lines of grocery stores. It’s like To Catch a Predator, but not at all.

Which Way Do They Wipe – A dating show that tries to pair people together by which way they wipe.

Celebrity Face Swap – We use Face/Off technology to let Steve Buscemi and Channing Tatum spend a week in one another’s shoes. Each episode ends with a boat chase and fight to the death.

Mike Tyson Reads Young Adult Novels – Exactly what it sounds like. Accompanied by still pictures of scenes from the books drawn by severely autistic teens.

Face Swap – A way more boring version of Celebrity Face Swap.


Well that mail was just as awful as usual. Please, for the love of whichever god you foolishly throw money at, send me some better e-mail. The address is SpamIgnore@Boozeandwhatever.cum. There’s also fun stuff on the Facebook page (Like Who Would Win Tuesdays (We’re legally prohibited from using Wednesday))and Twitter feed (parentheses) so get down on it. Here’s the review…

IcehouseAppearance: Perfectly clear, obscured only by a stream of thick bubbles that seem to have an inexhaustible source. A lightly-hued goldenrod beer with a surprisingly long-lasting, medium head. It’s not pretty, but it looks pretty good for what it is.

Smell: One-note; a weak, wet grain. If you’ve ever been on a farm waiting for hay to dry before you can bale it, this is the smell the morning after an unexpected light rain.

Taste: Not good, but unoffensive. It has a light to medium body, tastes only of a lightly kilned malt, and other than a slightly unpleasant aftertaste of a better beer that’s been left to sit out for too long, there’s not much else going on here.

Overall: I expected this to be much worse than it was. That said, this was pretty bad and I’m upset that I have to finish this. 41/100. This was strange beer.

Up Next: Something Gimmicky!

Beer Review #73: Blue Moon

08 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

beer, Belgian, Blue, Bulimia, Dating, mail, Moon, Old Bag of Bones, Reader, Review, Wheat

February Reader Mail

How do you feel about cider? I think a warm cider is nice on a cold day. Even a nice crisp cider in the Summer feels great. – Martha from Boston

Fuck off you old bag of bones. Martha? No one is named Martha.

Any predictions for the Superbowl? – Anonymous

Sure. 28-24 Pats. (I really need to start answering the questions as I get them.)

You’re just some fat, single, loser that spends all his time drinking instead of being productive. Your site is a joke and highly offensive. – Ginger from Ontario

Okay, well there’s a lot going on here.

First, I’m not fat. I’m at the forefront of bringing bulimia back in style with my “Bulimia: It’s Not Just For Women” ad campaign so I’d appreciate a little bit of recognition for all that hard work.

bulimia

Second, sure I’m single, but I’m working on it. I’ve met a couple girls through OKCupid recently. Admittedly it hasn’t gone great, but at least I’m working on it. My last date ended with me telling the girl I wasn’t interested in meeting again, her screaming at me that my life is just going to be one big sausage party if I don’t accept “women of size,” and me screaming back that every day of her life is a sausage party.

Lastly, I was the recipient of over thirteen hugs from my mom over the course of the last decade and if that’s not winning then I don’t know what is.

How do you know the name and location of the people that send e-mails? – Ben from Chicago

Well now you know.

Cut your electric bill by up to 80% with solar panels! – Home Solar Savings

I live on the moon and the moon is only out at night you idiots. Why don’t you push your wares on Tatooine or something?

As always, Check out the Facebook and Twitter pages for updates. Send e-mail too. It gets lonely out in space.

Blue Moon

Blue Moon

Appearance: What is it about an unfiltered beer that just seems so right? I feel like we’re seeing what nature intended; something that hasn’t been overly disturbed by man, that stands as a testament to the beauty of the brewing process.

It has a citrusy hue, tangerine, but there’s an otherworldly glow caused by being unfiltered. The head pours white and vanishes before I can snap a photo. It feels a bit dead inside, the occasional tiny bubble losing its grasp on the side of my glass.

Smell: Fresh grain and the smell of a dewy lawn just as the first light of the sun begins to warm it up. Tropical fruit.

Taste: A surprisingly thin body and even more surprising crispness. The grain comes through nicely, but everything else is flat. It’s not particularly sweet, or bitter, or spicy, or herby.

Overall: This is a mass produced beer that wasn’t given much love. Instead it got some cheap plastic surgery and a Wonder-bra, superficial aesthetics instead of any real substance. This could be enjoyed by someone dipping their toe into the waters of wheat beers, but there are so many better options out there that I’d never consider buying this. 52/100.

Up Next: Enjoy By…

Beer Review #3: Great Lakes Brewing Co. Nosferatu

03 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

beer, Beer Review, Great Lakes

Appearance: Deep ruby red, almost violet with a thick white head that dissipates slowly.

Smell: floral notes from the hops, but not overpowering. Quite pleasant in fact.

Taste: Strong, very strong; this definitely has a higher ABV than most beers. The taste is quite hoppy and bitter in a good way.

Overall: This red ale is surprisingly balanced. I didn’t think that I’d enjoy it nearly as much as I did. I would recommend it to anyone that likes a strong beer. 74/100

Next: Molson XXX

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