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Booze and Other Nonsense

~ Musings of a psychopathic alcoholic, raconteurs, film buff, and more!

Booze and Other Nonsense

Tag Archives: 9/11

Soda Shaq Review #1: Strawberry Cream Soda

22 Sunday May 2016

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review, Humor, Reader Mail

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

9/11, cream, equality, mail, President, shaq, soda, strawberry, t-shirt, teeth

May Reader Mail

This election sure has been something, hasn’t it? – Phil from Riverside

No. Who talks like this? I’m not some person you ran into in the break room and now you need to think of some small talk or else you start breathing and blinking manually. Don’t do this. You’re better than this Phil. I believe in you. Phil 2016!

Any idea who you’re voting for? – Melissa from Akron

Do you not keep up with the website? I just said Phil 2016.

I’m having trouble losing weight and Summer is almost here. I don’t want to do that thing where I wear a T-shirt in the pool. Any advice? – Jamie from Memphis

Okay, well this could go several ways. If you’re a dude, you should probably just own it. I don’t think anyone cares anymore. Otherwise, I advise bulimia.

If you’re a woman, my advice is exactly the same because I believe that we’re all equal.

How much do you make from this website? – Anonymous

About -$30 a year. The whole plan was to trick beer fests into giving me press passes, but that hasn’t panned out. Time to fill this thing with ads and to start selling cheaply made merchandise.

I recently started flossing a lot more often. At first there was a lot of blood, but after a few months everything usually comes out pretty clear. My mouth feels cleaner and it’s not that much extra work everyday. How do I make women feel safe around me? – Brad from Columbus

Stop talking about your teeth you god damn serial killer. If you’re really that desperate to lure a woman into your murder dungeon just put an ad on craigslist for free furniture of something. They’ll come and then you can take their teeth or whatever it is you do. Keep us updated.

If you have questions just find us on Twitter and Facebook. Like and follow and find true loves kiss! You can also e-mail, but make sure you mention something about increasing the size of my erection in the subject line. Otherwise it might go to spam.


DSCN0405

The hills are alive with the sound of backboards being shattered.

Appearance: Boxed white zinfandel that’s been allowed to slowly congeal over time. Like if you cut off a troll’s head and collected its blood in a vial in order to complete a quest.

Smell: The medicine you hated most as a child. It makes me think about all the bad things that have ever happened.

Taste: Upon first sip I suddenly remembered where I was on 9/11. Not 2001, though. 2010 was way worse for me on a personal level. It’s when I learned about the other 9/11.

This just tastes like cotton candy and shortcake. On the mouth it feels like when you know the dentist is done with the procedure, but it taking their time before they let you rinse your mouth out.

Overall: Why does this product exist? I am, however, slowly becoming addicted. I think this is what it feels like to get into heroin. I get that now. 1/100.

Up Next: Heroin!

Beer Review #58: Busch Light

29 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by Vodka Barf in Beer Review

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

9/11, Beer Review, Busch Light, e-mail

Let’s respond to some e-mail!

Who are you and what is this awful website? – Tom from Ohio

I’m sure you can tell from the sound of my voice that I’m friends with a lot of ghosts and they are going to get you.

Have you ever knowingly had sex with anyone that has HIV, the virus that causes AIDS? – Irene from New York

No, but I once sat on an exercise bike that had been used by Magic Johnson.

Would you like to do a guest review on my site? – Joe from the UK

Only if I can review the Princess Diana autopsy.

On to the review. Here’s the final part of the terrible beer trilogy. I hate this damn website because I can’t enjoy crappy beer anymore. I don’t have Hopslam money dammit.

Also, send beer suggestions and follow me on Twitter and Facebook already. If you don’t those ghosts will get you too.

Busch Light - At least they knew how to spell 'light'.

Busch Light – At least they knew how to spell ‘light’.

Appearance: I’ll start by saying that the head is totally non-existent here. It was there, then it immediately wasn’t; I got robbed. Very clear with a low, but steady, amount of carbonation and an incredibly pale straw color. I’m not sure how anyone would be excited if they were given this glass of “beer”.

Smell: Sweet corn. Disappointment.

Taste: Watery, lacking almost any discernible taste. If you told me that this was carbonated water I would believe you. Don’t worry, there’s no aftertaste either.

Overall: You know how they say everyone’s life changed on 9/11, that we all suddenly saw everything in a new light. This beer was my personal 9/11, but in a bad way. 12/100. This punishment has got to stop.

Up Next: Something good. Maybe a nice porter to warm me up.

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