(Transcribed from a talk given at the University of Miami, Oxford OH)
Moderator: Hello and welcome to the first instalation of Zen and the Art of Fuck it. We have a very fun topic planned for today and we hope you tune back in to hear the rest of our series.
Our mission is helping people not care. All the problems in the world could be solved through not caring, Or at least this is the claim of our esteemed guest. Yoshitaka Kobayashi has been developing his technic for 15 years and was one of the founding fathers of Fuck it Zen. He holds an honorary degree from the University of Tokyo and studied alongside many great Zen Masters. We hope this series brings you happiness and peace but if it doesn’t, fuck it.
We would like to thank our sponsors. With out their support we would never be where we are today. To see a full list of our sponsors visit http://www.boozeandothernonsense.com/sponsors. We hope you can support them as much as they have us.
Yoshitaka Kobayashi: Removing attatchment, disolving desire, enlightenment, you may have heard these terms before, but have you truly understood them? From sitting in ritualistic reflection, to retreating to the East to find spiritual guidance, many people have searched far and wide to obtain these states of understanding. Unfortunately for them (and lucky for you!) There is an easier way. The path I am referring to is the path of fuck it.
The 8 fold path of fuck it was revealed to us through the Four Hundred and Twenty Noble Truths. Its states that, “In order to remove the desire to give a fuck, follow the 8 fold path.” Wouldn’t you love to not give a fuck? I mean I know I would. So what is the 8 Fold Path?
Right View: Actions have consequences when we care about the outcome, death may or not be the end, what we do today may not ever matter. Don’t get caught up in trash philosophies like Karma.
Right Lubrication: If you go into life dry you will certainly end up with a friction burn. Most store bought petroleum jellies will help you ease right along.
Right Breakfast: A balanced breakfast a the key to a good day. We here at booze and other nonsense believe at least one bowl of marijuana and not eating until at least 1 pm really gets the juices flowing.
Right Weed: This is the same as the last one just keep smoking.
Right Birth: Make sure you were born into your desired level of privilege. This can not be changed after beginning of life.
Right Medication: Get on some of those good pills. Also we fully endorse self medication. Really who knows you better than you!
Right Concentration: If you think hard enough you will be able to bend that spoon and take your act on the road.
(The speech suddenly ended when Yoshitaka Kobayashi began to glow with a blinding light and ascended out of the auditorium.)