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Well that year started awful, became tolerable, and now we are in the middle of another surge. We could all be surrounded by friends and loved ones, enjoying some ice-cold Surge from the 90’s, but people won’t take a free vaccine and my mom probably still won’t let me drink that particular soda.

Fingers crossed that 2022 isn’t like the sequel to ‘Look Who’s Talking’ and we get a 2020 too. I also hope it doesn’t prominently feature Roseanne Barr, but I’ll take what I get.

Here are the lists. These are, as always, objectively true and immutable.

Soups

5 – Mushroom Leek
4 – French Onion
3 – Corn Chowder
2 – Caldo Verde
1 – Lobster Bisque

Meat

5 – Shrimp
4 – Kielbasa
3 – Chicken Wings
2 – Carnitas
1 – Prime Rib

Egg Preparations

5 – Over Easy
4 – Soft-Boiled
3 – Deviled
2 – Poached
1 – Basted

TV Shows

5 – What We Do in the Shadows
4 – Curb Your Enthusiasm
3 – Taskmaster
2 – Succession
1 – How To with John Wilson

Worst Things

5 – The Delta Variant
4 – The School Up North
3 – The Omicron Variant
2 – Anti-Vaxxers
1 – The Insurrection at the Capitol Building

Condiments

5 – Honey
4 – Sour Cream
3 – Pickled Onion
2 – Sriracha
1 – Dijon Mustard

Best Things

5 – Gin
4 – Live Music
3 – COVID Vaccines
2 – Dick’s Den
1 – Friendship

Mega Man X Maverick Hunters by Level Song

5 – Chill Penguin
4 – Spark Mandrill
3 – Storm Eagle
2 – Boomer Kuwanger
1 – Armored Armadillo

Cats

5 – Tuna
4 – Rosie
3 – Larry
2 – Olly
1 – Cappuccino

Fruit

5 – Pineapple
4 – Lime
3 – Honeycrisp Apple
2 – Peach
1 – Strawberry

Things I Hate about 90’s Nickelodeon Game Show ‘Legends of the Hidden Temple’

5 – Kids failing to understand The Shrine of the Silver Monkey
4 – It’s just three fucking pieces! C’mon!
3 – Why would you not put the base on first?
2 – Hurry THE FUCK up!
1 – IT’S THREE FUCKING PIECES, KID!!!!! Do you even want a pair of sketchers and a SEGA Genesis?

Here’s a cloud formation that looks like Guy Fieri as a reward for reading this and to honor what he’s done for restaurant workers, bowling shirts, this, and frosted tips.

Sky Fieri