Note: This was written in spring of 2017 for the first season of Ultimate Beastmaster, but it was lost to time… until now. Season 2 is on Netflix and most of the rules still apply. Enjoy.

You may have noticed that new Ninja Warrior knockoff that Netflix made…the Ultimate Beastmaster. In this ultimate test of strength, endurance, and jumping ability, 6 nations compete for the title of Ultimate Beastmaster.

Why is it called the Ultimate Beastmaster? Because the course is called the Beast. That isn’t even the weirdest part of this experience. Some obstacles have body part related names, others have silly names like “dreadmills” instead of treadmills. The water below is blood on levels 1 and 2, but becomes fuel on level 3. The final round is called the Power Source, which is the mitochondria of the Beast.

Now as bad as this show sounds, we at Booze and Other Nonsense recommend you watch this show. However, only watch it with these rules in place. Otherwise the show may kill you. These rules will not make any sense unless you watch the show.

The rules:

  1. Select a nation before the episode begins. Finish your drink if your nation is eliminated from that episode.
  2. Drink every time someone gets a point thruster, also say point thruster before you drink.
  3. Drink every time someone actually completes the level without failing.
  4. On level 1: Drink every time someone fails on or before the Faceplant.
  5. On level 2: Drink every time someone fails to ascend the spinal column.
  6. On level 3: Drink every time someone fails on the ejector.

For extra fun… Drink every time the Brazilian and German commentators interact on camera. Or France and Italy if you are in the second season.

Now go out there and beast all that you can beast.

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