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December Reader Mail

Dude, are you okay? – Glenn, from Spokane

No.

Who would win in a fight between a kraken and every main villain from the Die Hard film series? – Anonymous

Well there’s several issues with this question that make it impossible to answer.

First, where is this fight taking place? On dry land the kraken is toast, but in the depths of the sea I imagine Hans Gruber would be crushed by the pressure of the ocean.

Second, I’ve never seen the fifth Die Hard movie so for all I know that guy specialized in hunting down creatures from the deep sea or maybe he’s part narwhal. I’ve also never met a kraken, but I think I get the gist of their capabilities.

All things considered, I’m giving this one to the kraken, assuming that he isn’t forced to wear a racist sandwich board in the middle of Harlem.

What do you think the ninja turtles’ stance on ethics in video games journalism would be? – Troy from Dublin

Raphael: Doesn’t care, but will jump on any opportunity to send anonymous death threats to women on Twitter.

Donatello: Too fucking smart to care.

Leonardo: Very much against the actions of the movement.

Michelangelo: Busy actually enjoying video games.

What’s your dream job? What do you want to accomplish? – Mom from [redacted]

That’s two questions. You’re only allowed to ask one question.

I’ll answer the second one: To one day beat Jackie Robinson’s record of being the first Black man to play Major League Baseball.


 

Send in your own questions over Twitter, Facebook, or e-mail. Or don’t. I really don’t care. Here’s the review.

I'm not sure where this picture was taken!

I’m not sure where this picture was taken!

Appearance: Super clear with almost zero carbonation. The head puffs up nicely and lasts longer than you’d think before it settles into a reasonably thick white ring. A very pale color like that of straw after a few days of drying.

Smell: Well it’s great that I brought up straw earlier ’cause this smells like hay that wasn’t given enough time to dry before it was loaded up into the loft; musty, grainy, stale.

Taste: I’m willing to concede that this beer has a pleasant mouthfeel, but that’s it. It’s got a nice medium-body and feels a little slippery. The actual taste is muted, but one can get a bit of grain with a malty finish. It still has a bit of that smell in it which isn’t very pleasant.

Overall: 49 out of 100 and that feels too generous. I’d take PBR or High Life instead.

Up Next: There’s a bunch already written, but I’m lazy so who knows?

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