August Reader Mail

What do you think about women nursing in public? – Donna from Butte

100% support. Not only do we get a display of public nudity, but we get to see all of the reactions of people trying not to stare. I just wish those babies would learn to share.

I’m looking to get into juggling or yo-yo tricks soon, but I’m worried that people will think I’m weird if I spend a lot of time doing those things. Do I just need more self-esteem or is this a bad idea? – Clark from Huntsville

Go to a bar and make friends the normal way.

Why do these kids wear their pants so low? – Mary

I dunno. Rap music? Lack of belts? Barack Obama secretly orchestrated it as a means of further dividing the races in part of his plans to ruin America? Those are all equally plausible.

What can I do to spruce up my online dating profile? Melissa from Beaver Creek

Be attractive.

Why aren’t you posting anything? – Nate from Washington D.C.

I’ve been working on a lot of new TV show pitches. Here are some of my ideas. Feedback is appreciated:

Fingering Kids: Profiles of Candy Thieves – A show about catching kids that steal candy at the check out lines of grocery stores. It’s like To Catch a Predator, but not at all.

Which Way Do They Wipe – A dating show that tries to pair people together by which way they wipe.

Celebrity Face Swap – We use Face/Off technology to let Steve Buscemi and Channing Tatum spend a week in one another’s shoes. Each episode ends with a boat chase and fight to the death.

Mike Tyson Reads Young Adult Novels – Exactly what it sounds like. Accompanied by still pictures of scenes from the books drawn by severely autistic teens.

Face Swap – A way more boring version of Celebrity Face Swap.

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Well that mail was just as awful as usual. Please, for the love of whichever god you foolishly throw money at, send me some better e-mail. The address is SpamIgnore@Boozeandwhatever.cum. There’s also fun stuff on the Facebook page (Like Who Would Win Tuesdays (We’re legally prohibited from using Wednesday))and Twitter feed (parentheses) so get down on it. Here’s the review…

Appearance: Perfectly clear, obscured only by a stream of thick bubbles that seem to have an inexhaustible source. A lightly-hued goldenrod beer with a surprisingly long-lasting, medium head. It’s not pretty, but it looks pretty good for what it is.

Smell: One-note; a weak, wet grain. If you’ve ever been on a farm waiting for hay to dry before you can bale it, this is the smell the morning after an unexpected light rain.

Taste: Not good, but unoffensive. It has a light to medium body, tastes only of a lightly kilned malt, and other than a slightly unpleasant aftertaste of a better beer that’s been left to sit out for too long, there’s not much else going on here.

Overall: I expected this to be much worse than it was. That said, this was pretty bad and I’m upset that I have to finish this. 41/100. This was strange beer.

Up Next: Something Gimmicky!