August Reader Mail

What do you think about women nursing in public? – Donna from Butte

100% support. Not only do we get a display of public nudity, but we get to see all of the reactions of people trying not to stare. I just wish those babies would learn to share.

I’m looking to get into juggling or yo-yo tricks soon, but I’m worried that people will think I’m weird if I spend a lot of time doing those things. Do I just need more self-esteem or is this a bad idea? – Clark from Huntsville

Go to a bar and make friends the normal way.

Why do these kids wear their pants so low? – Mary

I dunno. Rap music? Lack of belts? Barack Obama secretly orchestrated it as a means of further dividing the races in part of his plans to ruin America? Those are all equally plausible.

What can I do to spruce up my online dating profile? Melissa from Beaver Creek

Be attractive.

Why aren’t you posting anything? – Nate from Washington D.C.

I’ve been working on a lot of new TV show pitches. Here are some of my ideas. Feedback is appreciated:

Fingering Kids: Profiles of Candy Thieves – A show about catching kids that steal candy at the check out lines of grocery stores. It’s like To Catch a Predator, but not at all.

Which Way Do They Wipe – A dating show that tries to pair people together by which way they wipe.

Celebrity Face Swap – We use Face/Off technology to let Steve Buscemi and Channing Tatum spend a week in one another’s shoes. Each episode ends with a boat chase and fight to the death.

Mike Tyson Reads Young Adult Novels – Exactly what it sounds like. Accompanied by still pictures of scenes from the books drawn by severely autistic teens.

Face Swap – A way more boring version of Celebrity Face Swap.

Well that mail was just as awful as usual. Please, for the love of whichever god you foolishly throw money at, send me some better e-mail. The address is SpamIgnore@Boozeandwhatever.cum. There’s also fun stuff on the Facebook page (Like Who Would Win Tuesdays (We’re legally prohibited from using Wednesday))and Twitter feed (parentheses) so get down on it. Here’s the review…

Appearance: Perfectly clear, obscured only by a stream of thick bubbles that seem to have an inexhaustible source. A lightly-hued goldenrod beer with a surprisingly long-lasting, medium head. It’s not pretty, but it looks pretty good for what it is.

Smell: One-note; a weak, wet grain. If you’ve ever been on a farm waiting for hay to dry before you can bale it, this is the smell the morning after an unexpected light rain.

Taste: Not good, but unoffensive. It has a light to medium body, tastes only of a lightly kilned malt, and other than a slightly unpleasant aftertaste of a better beer that’s been left to sit out for too long, there’s not much else going on here.

Overall: I expected this to be much worse than it was. That said, this was pretty bad and I’m upset that I have to finish this. 41/100. This was strange beer.

Up Next: Something Gimmicky!