Monthly Archives: April 2014

Beer Review #65: Great Lakes Chillwave Double IPA

22 Tuesday Apr 2014

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In trying to branch out and stop wasting my time writing beer reviews that are only read by my mom, I’ve started working on some pitches for TV shows. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Manhunt: A real life version of “The Most Dangerous Game“, but with rubber bullets.

Ghost Prostitute: Gloria Horowitz runs a brothel in Tel Aviv. On one fateful night, she’s out of girls and one of her biggest clients is in town. She decided that she’ll take one for the team and do one last job herself.

Mid-coitus, her partner, who weighs 347 pounds, has a heart attack and dies; collapsing on top of her and cutting off her air supply. Because she’s a strict hasidic Jew, she can only have sex through a hole in a sheet. She dies in this sheet, and per ghost rules, roams the world wearing the last thing she was wearing. High jinks ensue as she tries desperately to make it in a world full of smarmy, 21st century ghosts as a stereotypical ghost in a sheet.

The Shot of a Lifetime: This is a reality show where six people in dire straights compete to win a million dollars. The catch? They have to play Russian Roulette on live television. We do everything in our power to find the people with the saddest stories so that America feels a deep connection to the eventual victim, who wins nothing. Only people that pull the trigger and win get cash.

LadyCop: Mark Ladycop is a seasonal worker at Honey Baked Ham, but his real dream is to be a beat cop in the NYPD. One day, while operating the slicer, he slips and receives a deep cut. Because he has a rare blood type, there is only one possible blood donor in the surrounding area: a woman that works as chief technician at the nuclear power plant. Transfused with her radioactive blood, once a month Mark LadyCop undergoes a transformation; growing a sweet pair of tits and legs that go on forever.

As a woman, Mark is able to finally join the police force due to quotas for minority hiring. He catches the attention of an other female officer and uses what he learns as a woman to woo her as a man. Unfortunately, Mark’s time as a woman also syncs up with his period and he is forced to spend most of his transformation with terrible cramps. Most of the show is about him learning how tampons work. Can a ham man makes it as lady justice? Find out this Fall on Fox!

A new month is soon upon us. If you want a question answered in the monthly reader e-mail segment just shoot a message to IgnoreThis@boozeandothernonsense.com, or literally anything that ends with “@boozeandothernonsense.com”. Also there’s Facebook and Twitter for fun updates and lazy comedy bits. Here’s a beer review.

Great Lakes Chillwave

Great Lakes Chillwave

Appearance: Deep, clear amber; I you found a mosquito trapped in this you could re-build Jurassic park. The head is a good half-inch of thick, off-white craters. Carbonation is beyond energetic at first, but then slows to something reasonable. As I drink, the lacing is doing a gorgeous dance down the side of my glass.

Smell: Huge amounts of fruit. Apricot, plum, nectarine, mango, grapefruit, peach. Fresh hops and wild flowers. It’s like walking through a farmer’s market.

Taste: All of those great smells come through spectacularly. The body is on the weak side of medium and the carbonation keeps things fresh. All that sweet fruit is well tempered by a striking aftertaste of hops and a dewy lawn that’s being blasted by the noon sun. The aftertaste will stick with you for a while.

Overall: Holy hell this was a treat. 94/100. I tend to talk down my higher reviews, but this was beyond criticism. Find it, buy it. It was an honor to be in the same room as this beer, let alone trickling it into my stomach. My liver may finally forgive me.

Up Next: Miller Fortune

The Queer Identity You’ve Never Heard About — TransGod

16 Wednesday Apr 2014

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Greg Brown is a 21 year old student living with his two roommates and his cat. He bikes to work, loves pizza and plays first person shooter games. If you met him, you’d probably think he’s just a regular guy, like you and me, but he’s not a guy. He’s a God. Most people, including myself before I met Greg, have never even heard of transGodness. Being one of the least known queer identities, it’s very difficult for transGods to come out, and it’s even more difficult for them to be taken seriously when they do. “There isn’t even an option for it, on anything. People just automatically assume you’re human. Things are really mortalcentric these days.” Greg says that his parents laughed at him when he told them about his identity, and that other people have merely shrugged it off, as if what he was saying was a nuisance. “What people don’t understand is that by not following my every command, they’re disrespecting the fiber of my very being,” says Greg. “I’ve known I was a God since I was a young kid and people just don’t understand that.”

Gods and Allies, a quickly growing social justice group, may be the only supporters of the movement so far. “I think my brother should be respected like everyone else,” says Allie Brown, one of the Allies in Gods and Allies. “Most people say he’s being ridiculous, that he’s schizophrenic, or even blasphemous when he tells people about his identity. But there’s nothing unnatural about being a God”. Allie says that she has also been made fun of and ostracized for taking her brother’s side on the issue. She has even received death threats via twitter.

Death threats unfortunately aren’t a new thing in the transGod movement. TransGod people have been persecuted for thousands of years. Jesus Christ, one of the first people to come out as transGod, was brutally killed for his identity. Even today, many religions hold the belief that claiming to be a God is sacrilegious, worthy of eternal punishment. The DSM-IV-TR classifies transGod people as having grandiose delusions, which is insulting the movement, and no doubt hinders it. Scientists, one of the largest transGod hate groups, even go so far as to say that people can’t be immortal.

Greg Brown hopes that many people will donate to the cause, saying that the money will be used to grant rights to transGod people, but he didn’t say how. If you would like to donate to Gods and Allies, just click here, and help the world become a better place.

Beer Review #64: Revolution Brewing Juke-Box Hero Black IPA

13 Sunday Apr 2014

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I’ve been trying to get into stand-up comedy, but because I’m Black everyone expects me to tell jokes about the differences between races (I prefer half-marathons) and what it’s like to grow up in the ghetto (I’ve never been to Poland). My jokes are about catamarans, Blues Traveler, and being a great perimeter player in the NBA.

I really don’t have a lot in common with the Black community other than the fact that I’m a delinquent father, but that has little to do with me being Black and everything to do with my child being a disappointment. I’ve seen “Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2” enough times to know what this kid should be capable of. Now I know why they call it “Down’s Syndrome”; because it’s definitely given me the blues.

Cheer me up on Facebook and Twitter. Here’s the beer review.

Juke-Box Hero Black IPA

Juke-Box Hero Black IPA

Appearance: Effervescent. When the bottle opened it let out a great hiss and as I poured I could feel bubbles coming off of the stream. It foams up quite quickly, the head being colored like a spring breaker after half an hour on the beach and under the sun. He head is thin, but bulky and it dissipates into a mire of small bubbles.

It’s as black as one would hope a black IPA would be, but when held to the light it takes on the red of a freshly made brick or an old barn; it’s carmine.

Smell: Pine needles on a campfire. The first cut into an orange. Sweet malt.

Taste: On the thin side of a medium body and very crisp and bitter. It’s got all of the hops of an IPA, but there is a subtle sweetness from the dark roasted malt. There’s something that reminds me of burnt coffee in the aftertaste, but I can live with that. I was hoping for some of that orange aroma to come through.

Overall: Once again Revolution pleases me with their fantastic graphic design; the label looks great.

This could stand to be a bit sweeter, but, other than that this is a wholly enjoyable experience. Revolution is one of my favorite breweries and once again they’ve left me satisfied. As far as Black IPAs go, this was one of the best out there, but the Anti-Hero IPA, which they also produce, is still my go to from Revolution’s selection. Try this, let me know what you think. 81/100

Up Next: Great Lakes Chillwave

Beer Review #63: Avery Brewing White Rascal Belgian White

04 Friday Apr 2014

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Remember, you can always contact us by sending an e-mail to recommendations@boozeandothernonsense.com, like the Facebook Page, or follow the Twitter account. Here’s last months mail and the White Rascal review. (That e-mail address is only for suggestions for making the site better, requests for letters of recommendation, and tips on improving your life. If you want to suggest a beer for review just put it in any mailbox. I’ll find it.)

I’m going into high school next year and I’m afraid of showering after gym class. Any tips? – Gregg from Portland

Take a dump in the showers before every gym class. They won’t make you shower if there’s a log having a steam in there. Is it weird that at my high school we took baths?

UR STUPID – Anonymous

Yeah? Yeah…

I love beer, but I’m trying to cut out some calories. Any tips? – Jessica from LA

I guess you could drink light beer. They usually have around 100 calories so you can drink 20 of those in a day and be fine. Or just switch to whiskey and diet coke.

If you could have sex with any literary character who would it be and why? – Carlos for Texas

The Joy Luck Club. Mothers or daughters, I don’t really care; I just want to learn how to play mahjong and eat dumplings afterwards.

New mail is posted in the first review of a new month. If you want your question answered please include a name and location. feel free to lie. I do it all the time and look at me! Here’s the Avery Brewing White Rascal review.

Avery Brewing White Rascal

Avery Brewing White Rascal

Appearance: I don’t try enough Belgian Whites. This beer is an apparition of some kind, with it’s ghostly haze and unsettling pale straw color with a fair amount of carbonation. The head is just ever so off-white and only exists as a thin halo along the edges of the glass.

Smell: Citrus and spice. A kick of toasted wheat near the end. Fun, playful, and provocative.

Taste: Noticeably dry and medium-bodied. Lemon, freshly ground peppercorns, A good deal of wheat. The flavors are a bit more muted than I’d care for though. The taste is there, but you have to hunt for it a lot more than my lazy bones would care to do. The aroma is bright and strong, but it just doesn’t carry over.

Overall: This was good, but nothing about it was particularly special. I could definitely go to it for a session, or if I wanted to cool off under the sun, but it’s not that special beer that you turn to when you need to relax. 69/100. I just couldn’t give it the 70 and I’m told that 69 is a funny number.

Up Next: Revolution Brewing Juke-Box Hero Black IPA