Monthly Archives: January 2014

Beer Review #58: Busch Light

29 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Beer Review

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Let’s respond to some e-mail!

Who are you and what is this awful website? – Tom from Ohio

I’m sure you can tell from the sound of my voice that I’m friends with a lot of ghosts and they are going to get you.

Have you ever knowingly had sex with anyone that has HIV, the virus that causes AIDS? – Irene from New York

No, but I once sat on an exercise bike that had been used by Magic Johnson.

Would you like to do a guest review on my site? – Joe from the UK

Only if I can review the Princess Diana autopsy.

On to the review. Here’s the final part of the terrible beer trilogy. I hate this damn website because I can’t enjoy crappy beer anymore. I don’t have Hopslam money dammit.

Also, send beer suggestions and follow me on Twitter and Facebook already. If you don’t those ghosts will get you too.

Busch Light - At least they knew how to spell 'light'.

Busch Light – At least they knew how to spell ‘light’.

Appearance: I’ll start by saying that the head is totally non-existent here. It was there, then it immediately wasn’t; I got robbed. Very clear with a low, but steady, amount of carbonation and an incredibly pale straw color. I’m not sure how anyone would be excited if they were given this glass of “beer”.

Smell: Sweet corn. Disappointment.

Taste: Watery, lacking almost any discernible taste. If you told me that this was carbonated water I would believe you. Don’t worry, there’s no aftertaste either.

Overall: You know how they say everyone’s life changed on 9/11, that we all suddenly saw everything in a new light. This beer was my personal 9/11, but in a bad way. 12/100. This punishment has got to stop.

Up Next: Something good. Maybe a nice porter to warm me up.

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Beer Review #57: Miller Lite

22 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Beer Review, Lists

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Some Late, Year-End Lists

Films of 2013
5. Iron Man 3
4. Now You See Me
3. This is the End
2. Dallas Buyers Club
1. The Wolf of Wall Street

2013 Egg Preparations
5. Soft-Boiled
4. Shirred
3. Over Easy
2. Poached
1. Basted

Best Things About the New Pope
5. Not overtly evil
4. Relaxing, turtle-like appearance
3. Smells of lilac
2. Girth
1. Unaccounted for during the Natalie Wood incident

Worst Things About the 90s
5. The Green Power Ranger
4. Perfection
3. The Spice Girls
2. The Phantom Menace
1. The Shrine of the Silver Monkey

If you have any suggestions for future lists just e-mail Ignore@boozeandothernonsense.com . I promise nothing. Beer review time…

DSCN0235

Appearance: As clear as the eyes of someone that has a drug test at the end of the week and colored like the phlegm of a twenty-year smoker. All that aside, this beer actually looks impressive: a good frothy head slowly falls into a hazy crown on top of a slow bubbling elixir. The carbonation here is truly mesmerizing in how constant, slow, and uniform it seems. Color aside, this is top-notch for an American pale lager.

Smell: Strong cereal grain and sugar. Not particularly what I’d ever be looking for.

Taste: Very watery with regards to mouthfeel and taste; I’m immediately put off by that. It’s so thin-bodied that it’s impossible to enjoy. It tastes sweet, but I’m not sure what kind of sweetness it is; very artificial. There’s a faint biscuit-like taste that could be nice, but even with the watery disposition of this beer that taste doesn’t carry very well. There is no aftertaste.

Overall: A good beer should be about balance. Bitter is not always bad and there is such a thing as too sweet. This beer just lacks substance. I will say that I was shocked by how nice it looked and I’m equally impressed with the lacing. A beer can’t live on that alone though. 41/100.

Up Next: Busch Light (The pain train continues!)

Beer Review #56: Bud Light

08 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Beer Review

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Corporate has set us up with a very complicated e-mail system in order to make it easier for you all to contact us. For instance, to contact the help line just send an e-mail to 911@boozeandothernonsense.com . Tips on the 9/11 conspiracy go to LookWhatTheJewsDidNow@boozeandothernonsense.com . Other e-mail addresses of note include the following (add @boozeandothernonsense.com to the end of these):

Recommendations – Letters of recommendation.

Beer – the Rip Torn movie Beer.

xXxThisIsABeerSuggestionxXX1987 – Beer recommendations.

Teens – For kids that want to get into alcohol.

Moms – For pictures of classy older women.

Dads – Various long-legged spiders.

HotDogs – Erotic canine watercolors.

HotDogz – genitalia in buns.

Shenanigrams – For a shenanigram.

CraigJamesKilledFiveGirls – For crime tips

Snow – If you have drugs.

On to the review. I’ve taken care of Budweiser, Bud Select, and three weird Budweiser experiments. Let’s take down the big boy…

Ugh...

Ugh…

Appearance: This looks like a witch cursed a cauldron of diabetic piss, causing it to bubble up uncontrollably. It is super clear and can’t retain it’s thin, white head. The bubbles are getting to me. It’s like goldenrod Sprite.

Smell: Shockingly pleasant. A gentle sweet corn along with a bit of dry stone fruit. There’s definitely a hops smell, but it’s very underdeveloped. All things considered, this is better than what I expected out of a light pale lager.

Taste: Very crisp, but not much else. The flavors are near non-existent as soon as it hits the tongue, but there is a lingering sweetness. A little metal, which is definitely a first. I take all of this back, there is no flavor. It’s just really crisp sugar water.

Overall: Wow, that smell caught me off guard. Everything else was as expected. 30/100 is generous, but I did enjoy the smell a lot more than I expected. I think I’m going to continue this series of reviewing terrible beer for a bit. This was awful, and I prefer to feel bad.

Up Next: Miller Lite