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So yeah, I haven’t posted anything in a good bit of time. I thought that there were only 52 beers, one for each week. I was only recently told that this is not the case.

So, what have I been doing in this time? Balls. As many of you probably know, I consider myself to be an expert in every field. That being said, I couldn’t answer the one fundamental question on everyone’s mind: “What do the balls float in?”

I’m back now with fewer answers than I started with and a second seam, but I’m still confident that science will solve this problem. Could I just do a quick web search? Sure, but how can I trust anything on the internet when this exists?

We’re going to be having some other writers contributing to the site soon. I have given them little to no oversight and hope that whatever they come up with causes you nothing but terror. Remember, Twitter and Facebook. Lets get to the beer review.

This is coke.

I swear this isn’t coke

Appearance: This beer is incredibly carbonated. It almost seemed like I had poured a coke into my glass in the stead of this stout. Bubbles rush up the dark black body into a light, cratered brown head that loses a lot of its substance and quickly settles into a thin wisp that floats nicely on top of the beer throughout my drinking.

Smell: dark roasted malt, coffee, and something naturally sweet, like honey.

Taste: Peculiar. Not a good peculiar. Chocolate, an unexpected bit of hops, an unpleasant burnt taste that lingers on through the aftertaste. The mouthfeel is completely not what I was expecting from a stout; it’s very watery in a disturbing way.

Overall: This came paired with Bass Pale Ale in a Black-and-Tan kit. Hopefully that ale holds up so that I can mix it with this stout and somehow bring myself to drink the rest of this. 48/100

Edit: It didn’t

Up Next: A lot, hopefully.

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